What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 02:24
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Early Humans Did More Than Just Walk—They Mastered a Surprising Skill Set - Indian Defence Review
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But, we were locked up after school.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
"D Gukesh Was Blindly...": Magnus Carlsen's First Reaction After Loss To Indian GM - NDTV Sports
It was going to be , some day.
I was very sick at this time too.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do you enjoy cheating on your spouse? If so, why?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
When she asked me how she looked .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One cannot live in the past .
We've Finally Seen The Skyscraper Tsunami That Shook Earth For 9 Days - ScienceAlert
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Who then, do I blame.?
How did you as a human being change while growing up?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
How do you get started in bestiality with a dog as a male?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I waited trembling.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She was in good health!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is soul school!.
I was 9 years of age.
Im still living with it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was seconnd youngest,
Ive learnt so much.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I will be 64.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i lived it daily.
I write beautiful poetry .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was scared of men, in general
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She found it foreign!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My family never makes their pension either.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She married twice! .
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So whats the point in blame.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He knew the spot.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Put me off passion for life!!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She wouldn,t have been !
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I have no regrets .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She loved him until the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were not on the streets..
I said to her
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
All the time i was locked up.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I think the readers, may guess!
I never cut or harmed myself..
We all went to grammer schools
Comes on , in middle age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Would this be the day?
But it wasn’t much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.